CLL: My Personal 20th Anniversary

If pigs could fly…or maybe elephants. Here I am
with one of my six grandkids, having a grand time in the air via a pink elephant!

Celebrating My 20 Year Anniversary of CLL

I remember vividly when I was first diagnosed with CLL at age 46. It was July 2001, shortly before our national disaster. At the time, my brand-new oncologist told me that if I was lucky, I might even live for twenty years. Well, I guess I’m lucky, because here I am. And while CLL has definitely been a life-changing diagnosis, it has not been a quickly life-ending diagnosis, as I thought at the time. In 2001, chemo was the first line of action. And the research I looked up did not look promising. The researchers congratulated themselves on increasing survival time from 1 year to 18 months, calling that a fifty-percent improvement. Yikes! And the quality of life for those taking that chemo sure didn’t enhance those extra months, I’m sure. So, I was a terrified skeptic.

Of course, not everyone is dealt the same cards. Some people get their CLL diagnosis when they’re way beyond watch and wait (W&W). With impending threat to life, they ignore the stats and take their chances, and who can blame them! But from what I see on Facebook these days, there are a lot of us on W&W, and this gives us options. Better yet, it gives us time. Time to make a plan and to make changes. Better yet, there are many non-chemo treatments on the market today, some of them even advertised on TV. I’m glad they are available, and at the same time I’m grateful I don’t need that as yet.

To be honest, it took me a couple of years to stop feeling sorry for myself and get started on working on my health. I’ve learned a lot, met a lot of wonderful people, and in what I hope will be a short article I will share my experience.

Step 1: Learning about EDS

My husband and I talked with a stranger on a flight home from North Carolina (I’m in Michigan), and she told us about going to an alternative practitioner who did EDS, a form of electronic screening or testing to see what was wrong with you and what you needed to get well. Because of this conversation, I went to Ellen, a local nutritionist and alternative practitioner. I didn’t much like or believe in the testing. It was way too woo-woo for my taste. But she did suggest that I had a yeast problem, and further that I had to give up bread and all sugars (and my beloved Slurpees. (7Eleven’s frozen Cokes for those who are unaware). I obviously looked horrified as she said I should do that for a week and return.

Here’s where it gets dicey. She tested me again and said I took care of the yeast. Yes, in one week. But now she could see that I had parasites and needed some of her parasite killer bottles of supplements. I declined, and probably went home for a Slurpee. And a sandwich, and maybe a frozen fudge bar. But here’s the kicker. I had no idea that I would eventually be on a much stricter diet than suggested by Ellen. Today I am sugar-free, gluten-free, dairy-free, and worst of all…low oxalate. It’s a miracle I can find something to eat, but as I’m constantly watching my weight, I guess I’ve been able to meet that challenge. 😊

Step 2: Searching for a Cure

I went to various alternative doctors in Metro Detroit, looking for someone who could guide me to good health. Okay, let’s be honest, I was looking for a cure and willing to do just about anything to get there. None of these doctors provided that golden ticket, but one of them sold books in her waiting room. That was where I came across my first helpful book. I’m sorry but I don’t remember the title OR author, and can’t find it in my house. (My husband now uses books to prop things up on occasion, as I mostly read on my Kindle. If I come across it eventually, I will update this post at that time.) The point of this book was that you could ‘control’ cancer with diet and lifestyle. The start of the book recounted a sign in a wildlife park, “Don’t feed the animals,” the reason being the potato chips and twinkies were bad for their health…and therefore, what about us? To this point, at my hematologist’s word, I was still eating what I thought was a healthy diet. The fact that it included frozen Cokes and ice cream cones (quite regularly) hadn’t changed my opinion of my diet. This is where I started to make change.

Step 3: EMF Remediation

In late 2004, my husband was in the local library, reading a natural health magazine. There was an article about EMFs and it’s affect on health, as well as an ad for an EMF detector (gauss meter). We bought one. I started measuring. It turned out that our bedroom (in which we’d slept for 20 years) measured an average of 7mG (milligauss). The WHO (World Health Organization) at the time listed safe levels at anything under 2mG! We measured again with our electric meter box shut down in the basement. It didn’t have ANY effect on the milligauss reading in our bedroom! Creepier yet, the higher you held the Gauss Meter to the ceiling toward the back of the room (closest to the powerline, just about eight feet from our bedroom), the higher the reading. My husband and I didn’t sleep well that night and moved into a guest room.

Long story short, it took five months to remediate the issue. Detroit Edison (now DTE) did not take me seriously at first, but eventually revealed that they had an EMF department! That alone was no help. The EMF department’s goal was to make me feel like a fool. They didn’t talk about danger, but instead about my “comfort” level, like I was a lunatic. For the full story, see my other website, EMFDamage.com.

Step 4: Macrobiotics

 Despite my new and improved “anti-cancer diet” (my words), my WBC persisted in climbing. Keep in mind that I was now eating store-bought organic cookies topped with sweetened yogurt. I had a long way to go, but at least I was on the path. There wasn’t much encouragement on the Internet just yet. At the time, a Google search for “cure CLL” (or something like that) brought up a lot of depressing information about chemo treatments and life expectancy. Or, worse yet, end-of-life planning. So I went to the bookstore and started searching for books. I might have even bought some online. One favorite was, I Beat Cancer: 50 People Tell You How They Did It. That led to many other books about the Gerson diet, the Breuss cure, and others. But the one that stood out, spoke to me, if you will, was The Macrobiotic Way, by Michio Kushi, which led to a trip to Western Massachusetts, to the now-defunct Kushi Institute for a week of intensive study of the macrobiotic way, which includes diet, exercise, and lifestyle.

I was on the healing diet for nearly two and a half years. I saw the most improvement in the first month. But at the end of two years, my WBC started to climb back up. Worse yet, I was diagnosed with both anemia and osteoporosis/osteopenia. I started adding animal protein and smoothies to my diet. To this day, both the anemia and osteoporosis remain a challenge. Although I eventually left the diet, many of the principles remain. I eat mostly organic vegetables. I don’t cook at high heat. I don’t have white sugar or white noodles (or any noodles for that matter), I wield a large knife against my wooden cutting board in the kitchen. Even in non-Covid times, I rarely eat out, and buy a minimum of processed foods. I am mindful of my stress level and strive to be calm. My husband had noticed my change of personality. I’m no shrinking violet (I’m not shy!) but I rarely agonize about things over which I have zero control.

Step 5: Laetrile

While I don’t believe that vitamin B-17 (amygdalin, laetrile) is a magic bullet, I consider it to be one of the many pillars holding up my health. But in 2007, I didn’t take it lightly. I’d read Dr. Phillip Binzel’s book, Alive and Well: One Doctor’s Experience with Nutrition in the Treatment of Cancer Patients. This book gave the stories of patients of his that had survived cancer via (in his opinion) the use of B-17. I was thrilled to read that one of the patients had CLL. Like a detective, I tracked her down, and unfortunately, I was able to speak only to her husband as she’d recently passed away. Of course this was sad, and discouraging, but I spoke with her husband at length. He felt certain that her life had been prolonged by Dr. Binzel and his protocol. He also admitted that while his wife took the B-17 and even had it via IV treatment, she found it hard to stick to the diet. Given their experience, I felt this was worth pursuing. Time for another road trip.

My husband and I drove east again, this time to Suffern, New York, to the Schachter Center, where we met with Dr. Jeffrey Kopelson. I’m sorry to say that he died several years ago, suddenly, from a heart attack. While I wanted to have B-17 via IV treatment, he advised against it, as it requires many visits and would have been useless during our three-day stay. Instead, he advised taking 500 mg, 3X/day, starting with one pill a day and working my way up to the full dose. I’ve been taking it ever since, and order mostly from TJSupply.com. I’ve heard good things about ApricotPower as well. Read more HERE about how Laetrile works.

Step 6: Ultraviolet Blood Irradiation

This was probably my most exotic treatment to date. I found a doctor about an hour and half away, near my alma mater, Michigan State University, in East Lansing. At first, I went three times a week, then two, then once a week, then every other. The process is that a technician inserts an IV needle and withdraws a pint of blood into a glass container. Your blood is then returned to your body, via that same IV, once it’s gone through an ultraviolet light machine they have for this purpose. It was painless (except for the first poke) and relaxing, and I met many other interesting cancer patients. I eventually stopped after examining my lab chart. I keep my own spreadsheet. I determined that while I was no worse, I was no better. It wasn’t worth the time and expense. This was my experience, and I know that this works well for other people. So please don’t be discouraged if you’re considering IVBI therapy. It’s definitely worth a try.

Step 7: Patient Heal Thyself

One thing I learned about going for the IVBI treatment was that I didn’t have to go to my hematologist for blood work. As I was so frequently going to E. Lansing, where they were drawing blood anyway, I’d gotten into the habit of getting my CBCs done there. It was so much less stressful than a trip to the hematologist where you had to see the people getting chemo while you waited for your blood draw. I used to dread those visits.

But it was a nuisance to go all the way to East Lansing. My son, then a nutritionist, suggested that I use DirectLabs. You go online and order up your tests. The cost is out of pocket, of course, but not much more than the copays I had at the time. You receive a voucher and locate a participating blood draw location. Today I use Quest locations but have used Labcorp in the past. Your results are emailed directly to you. I don’t recommend this if you’re not familiar with reading your own lab results. Or if you feel the need and reassurance of a medical professional. I do a mixture of both. I see a doctor once a year, and get blood draws every three months. It’s been working for me. I don’t like to be surprised and this keeps me in tune to what’s happening with my body as I continue with my diet and with often changing up supplements. It’s a good idea to check with your doctor to make certain that this is a good plan for you.

Step 8: Living with CLL

There are many with CLL who have reported that they have been totally healed from CLL via natural means. I’ve spoken with three of them, all men. I’ve read about two more. This is wonderful and an inspiration to all of us. It can be done! There is a path, but it is our job to find it. Unfortunately, this has not been my experience. I still most definitely have the diagnosis of CLL. Every blood test proves it.

However, and this is a big however, in some ways it doesn’t matter. I’ve changed up my lifestyle and my diet. I’m ever watchful of my lab work. I eat virtually zero processed foods and nothing (zip,zero,nada) foods made with white sugar. Ever. It’s not even that big of a challenge anymore. It’s just the way I live. But while I’ve been working on this, wonderful things have happened.  I’m still here and living my life. I’m still working. I’m still writing and even drawing and illustrating these days. Best of all, I’m still here with my husband and two sons and their families. And as you’ve probably seen, we’ve had six little additions to the family over the last eight years. Six grandchildren! Such an unbelievable blessing! I am grateful every day. If anything has been worth all the work, and all the work to come, it would be this.

Step 9: Sharing

I really left out a step. I believe that it was in 2011 that I started my web site, CLLAlternatives.com. I was worried that I would depress the hell out of people if I died and therefore stopped writing. But it’s been nine years since then, and here I am. Sharing has enabled me to meet and enjoy the friendship of countless CLL Buddies. I keep in touch with people from Ann Arbor (45 minutes away) to London, Spain, Canada, Washington, D.C., New York, California and Florida. There are so many more! Some of these contacts have been fleeting. Many of you I consider to be friends. We are all bound by this terrible and shocking diagnosis that turns into something we can live with. I truly love you all!

As usual, I’m thinking of many more things I could say, but this is long enough. I hope you are inspired to keep on keeping on. Keep up your diet, your lifestyle. Keep testing out supplements and make changes as your health dictates.  Check in with your doctor, but also remember that you are the final decision maker of your own health.

Wishing you all the best of health and happiness! – Denise

CLL: Facing the Fear and Loneliness

I just answered an email from a CLL-buddy who is feeling the fear and loneliness of a CLL diagnosis. She does not want to burden her husband by dwelling on her dark thoughts and worries about CLL, and her friends don’t seem to be any comfort. Of course not! This worries them too, and while they wouldn’t say it to her, knowing that a friend has a potentially fatal diagnosis makes them worry about their own lives, as well as about their friend. So what is a person to do? This was my answer to her:

Dear CLL Buddy,
I do understand how difficult it is to keep a happy face on this when you are so frightened. Eventually, you will feel confidence in yourself and in your health, and you won’t feel so frightened. Believe me, you are not alone in having fear of CLL! Here are a few suggestions that have worked for me.

1. Allow yourself to be frightened or upset for only one day at a time, particularly after a blood test that wasn’t what you wanted.

2. Research. The next day, concentrate on the blood marker that concerns you, and start some research on what you can do about it. Look up supplements and herbs. Make a lifestyle change, etc.

3. Have fun! Find time every day to do something you enjoy that is relaxing and gets your mind off of CLL! Read a book, go to a funny movie, visit with a friend (and not talk about CLL) maybe shopping or an art museum or something that you find fun (and gets your mind off the CLL).

4. Find your own personal meditation. I’ve tried meditation tapes (now they would be CDs or better yet, mp3s). This wasn’t for me, but many people find relief in this. My personal meditation is reading novels or writing, or even drawing. I have sketch books, and I find that when I’m sketching, I’m not thinking of anything but the pencil and sketchbook. I lose track of time. It is wonderful! Think back to childhood and what you enjoyed doing that made you lose track of time. Give yourself a gift of figuring this out, and then act on it!

5. Get a good night’s sleep. Make your bedroom light-proof so you can get a good sleep at night and make your own melatonin. Nothing makes you feel better than a good night’s sleep!

6. A new watchword: you are NOT about to explode! Any doctor that would see you today would send you home and then go about his or her business. You are not in imminent danger! Enjoy today! None of us know if there is a tomorrow (we get hit by the bus, etc., who knows?) So why waste today? Enjoy it! It is a gift you are squandering on worry.

7. Recognize that you can gain control of your health. It wasn’t until I became Macrobiotic (ironically, I am no longer macrobiotic, but still…) that I started to see the control I could exert over my CLL diagnosis. After one month of giving up all processed foods back in 2005, my WBC dropped back to 14, where it had been at diagnosis. While I’ve moved on from Macrobiotics, the lesson learned was that I COULD get control of this CLL thing. Since then, I’ve also learned that healing is all about the gut, the digestive system. Work on your digestion and you are working on your health! I’ve not been able to get to where my blood work indicates I’m CLL-free, but I am back in stage zero.

8. Seek out a therapist. If all of this leaves you worried still, see if you can find a therapist. There is nothing to be ashamed of about this. You are facing down your mortality, and we don’t like to do that. It is crazy-making. Back in 2003 or maybe 2004, I was constantly crying with worry and wondering how my boys would grow into manhood without me there. I worried about my husband. I cried about never meeting grandchildren. And see, all those tears were a waste of energy. That said, I DID see a therapist at that time, and it really helped me.

What I learned from him at that time was that I had to take action. Until that point, I felt like I was a victim; I had this CLL diagnosis and I believed it was too late to do anything about it. Damage was done, and I had to accept my fate. Now THAT was crazy! There was so much I could do, but talking to this therapist helped me see it. 

If you continue to be depressed, please find someone who might help. If they make you feel worse, find a different therapist. But do try all the other items above, first.

And I AM here for you. So please write whenever you need to. I do truly understand. I’m wishing you radiant health and a wonderfully happy day! Love, Denise

PS Writing about your worries here, on the site, really helps others. We’re all in this together!

CLL: How to Eat

living well with cll
Living well with CLL! The author (in red) and some of the family, 4th of July 2018.

Please notice that the name of this article is not ‘what’ to eat, but how. We all think we know how to eat. After all, we’ve been doing this since birth. But sometimes we need a reminder. Let’s start with a scientific fact. Our immune system is strongly related to our gut, also known as our digestive system. Of course, it matters what you put into that system, that is more than true. But as someone who has struggled with digestive problems pretty much her whole life (at least as much of it that I can recall), there is much more to it than the food.

To explain, let me share my Macrobiotic experience. I was diagnosed at stage zero in 2001. In 2005, I was getting increasingly alarmed at my deteriorating blood markers. My platelets were low. My white count was high, and my hemoglobin and red blood count were also worrying. My husband and I did our due diligence and research, and we came up with Macrobiotics. I went to the book store and loaded up on several Macrobiotic texts and cookbooks. We also decided to make a trip over Labor Day to the Kushi Institute in Beckett, Massachusetts, for a week-long class. I believe it was called The Way to Health. (Please note, while I still eat an organic, whole food, mostly cooked-from-scratch diet, I am no longer technically Macrobiotic. Also, the Kushi Institute still has a web site, but they no longer offer the resident classes.)

The first thing I noticed was how the residents were skeletal thin. And many were missing teeth, which was concerning. But I was fighting leukemia here, and if I had to get thin and lose a few teeth in the process, well, that would be the breaks. As it turns out, I did suffer some gum recession and was about twenty pounds thinner than I am these days, but still it was absolutely worth the experience. I learned so much.

One of the first things I learned was to chew my food thoroughly. To count how many times you chewed, chewing until the food in your mouth was liquid — or as close to liquid as possible. To me, this sounded disgusting. But honestly, there is wisdom in this practice. The more work you consciously put into chewing, the less work your digestive system has in order to process your intake each day. When you chew, saliva mixes with your mouthful, adding digestive enzymes to the mix. Yes, those pills you buy in little bottles are naturally available if you just chew, chew, chew.

I’ve recently gone through a spate of serious stomach aches. I’m talking abdominal pain for a 36 hour stretch. Go to bed with a stomach ache and wake up with the same dull ache emanating somewhere from the left side of my waistline and radiating out to other regions of the digestive tract. I felt hunger but was afraid to eat. My husband was out of town on a business trip. I took to the Internet and looked up stomach pain and CLL, learned that it could be related. Of course, this led to a night of insomnia, keeping me from healing. I’m a strong person, but I sometimes also feel the fear.

When my husband came home, I shared my fears. He reminded me about the chewing. It’s so easy to forget. I started out by making myself meals of vegetable miso soup for breakfast, and chicken soup and rice (home made from the freezer, of course) for lunch. For dinner I had a smoothie. Everything I ate was either stewed or mush. Nothing required much chewing, but I chewed nonetheless. I feel better now, back on my regular diet, and I’m obviously very relieved. I was worried it could be the CLL, or my diverticulosis (or diverticulitis) kicking up. I was worried I might end up in the hospital where they would start running invasive tests and wearing down my immune system. (Conventional medicine saves lives, but you must be a careful and cautious consumer!)

But please take note that my main suggestion here is to chew your food well. Sit down when you eat and focus on enjoying your meal. Put a reasonably-sized helping of whatever you’re eating on your plate. Take a look at your plate before you eat and see if you agree that this is enough. Would you think it was enough if you were in a restaurant? That is your clue. Taking seconds will overload your gut and overwork your digestive system. When your digestive system is free from processing that food you put in there, it can work on making you healthy. That’s what IF/intermittent fasting is all about. But that, too, is another article. Just be sure to concentrate on eating while you’re eating. We tend to gulp food while walking around. I’m the worst while I’m cooking, and I’ve resolved not to do that any longer. So eat slowly and mindfully. Put down your fork between bites. Breathe.

So be well, enjoy your food. Eat hearty (but don’t overeat!), and chew, chew, chew!

Wishing you peace and the best of health!

CLL Green Tea and Neem

It’s been a long time since I last posted.  There have been a lot of bumps on the road, and I haven’t felt much like it.  I’m still dealing with those bumps, that came in the form first of dangerously low neutrophils, (they’re still low, but not “dangerously”) and now, at my last visit, my WBC happily dropped 13.6 points to 34.2 (yay), but so did my RBC (3.3 to 2.88 – boo) and my HGB  went from a healthy 12.3 to a very concerning 10.4.  Yikes.  That’s been the way it’s been for me.  The white and red counts always go in the same direction — and they’re supposed to go in opposites.  Oh well.

Good News In CLL Land
That said, there is still good news out in CLL land and I haven’t been reporting on it.  First, I’ve found another person who’s doing well with Green Tea and Neem.  Here is a link to his testimony. I’ve been trying to contact him directly, as is my custom, and so far, no luck.  But isn’t his information exciting?  For those of you who prefer not to click, (I LOVE clicking myself), here is his info:

QUOTE: “I was diagnosed with Chronic Lymphocytic Leukemia (CLL) seven years ago. Even though I was still in the watch and wait stage, I was getting more and more infections requiring frequent doctors visits and even hospitalizations. My off-the-scale blood abnormalities confirmed that I was circling the drain.

But now my whole world has changed. I feel good again. No more infections. I have been free of all symptoms for many months now and I am no longer skeptical about the changes. At Roswell Park Cancer Institute they told me that my that last few blood tests were “perfect”.

I am not doing anything weird or taking anything that is not already being investigated by major cancer centers with promising results for treating CLL. All I am doing is taking higher doses of herbs than what one would normally take. While Green Tea is supposed to kill cancer cells in a test tube I had no illusions that simply drinking a few cups green tea would be enough to stop my downward spiral.

I read about the research at the Mayo Clinic and other places that show promising results with higher doses of ECGC (Green Tea Extract). However, medical research normally takes many years and with herbs even longer. I decided that I could not wait that long and started my own treatment based on reports from these various research efforts. This is what I have been taking per day:

Neem Leaf – 400mg Capsules: 4 capsules – three times a day

EGCG – 500 mg Capsules: 3 capsules in the morning on an empty stomach – it is best absorbed in a fasting condition (w/o Vitamin C)

2 capsules with 1000mg Vitamin C during day

2 capsules with 1000mg Vitamin C at bed time.

During the day I also drink 3 to 4 large cups of green tea using two tea bags and adding 200 mg of Vitamin C per cup.

The Vitamin C changes the stomach acidity which helps to absorb the green tea. I buy Vitamin C tablets and crush them in a pill crusher before dissolving them in hot water or green tea. (PharmAssure brand Vitamin C seems to have the fewest additives which may neutralize the acidity.) I buy the EGCG and the Neem Leaf Capsules in larger quantities over the internet. It comes to about $2.50 per day.

It’s been long enough now and I am no longer skeptical that my newly found good health is just a fluke. Other than taking all these supplements, my life is back to normal. I am a 70 year old male and I started running two miles a day. I am also taking normal doses of other vitamins and I don’t drink or smoke. I am not a doctor or a scientist. I am only giving a testimonial about my self-prescribed treatment and my personal results. Compared to chemo it has been a cake-walk. However, we are all different and everybody should go very slow with upping to these dosages and should always check with their doctor before taking anything new. ”

Posted on DailyStrength.org 08/26/11, 12:31 pm (go to link above to go to that web site) UNQUOTE
Reading his post caused me to look up new items — both Neem and Carnivora.  And I didn’t even tell you about what I’ve done since March — both Chinese Herbs and UVBI (ultraviolet blood irradiation).  But these all deserve a different post on a different day.  One thing that I’m convinced of, is despite the difficulties with the FDA, which seems intent on stopping anything helpful AND harmless, there always appears to be more out there that can help us get well from CLL!  As always, do research on your own, and try these pills carefully.  I already gave myself a twenty-four hour belly ache from downing too many green tea pills to start.  Now I have to start all over.  So read, review, and proceed with caution.

 

 

 

Getting Well from CLL Leukemia

CLL Success Stories. There are two success stories, so far, both men, who have overcome their CLL Leukemia and either achieved remission  — or became cancer free! — without conventional treatment.  We can think of this as a miracle (which it is) or a sign of possibility and hope (which it is too!).

I was first elated to hear the news that these people exist — and then a bit deflated when their methods did not work for me.  I tried all or parts of each of their personal protocols, but to my severe frustration, it hasn’t yet resulted in my remission.  That said, I haven’t given up.  There is still a message of hope and possibility.

The first CLL Leukemia success story I found was Steve Freier.  You can read his whole story by clicking on his name and going to his site.  After a short-lived unsuccessful conventional treatment, Steve tried several protocols and eventually reached remission after removing his root canals and taking coral calcium.

The second CLL Leukemia success story is Hessel Baartse.  Once again, click on his name and read his miraculous story.  Hessel reached health with the help of a dentist (he also had his root canals — and mercury fillings — removed), as well as a detailed diet and supplement regimen.  All his CLL markers are in the normal range, and he is living his life in Australia with his wife and family.  If you read his site, you will see that Hessel credits his faith in God and his belief in his own good health.

CLL and Root Canals. What they both obviously have in common is that they removed their root canals.  I will be writing another article about this, as I, too, have had that surgery done to improve my health.  I’ve also followed both their regimens, plus much, much more.  I may not be cancer-free, but I am healthy and well — after 9.5 years (now, at the time of the update of this post, it’s been 14 years!), with no conventional intervention.

It can be done!  What we can learn from Steve and Hessel is that it can be done!  We can all get well.  We just have to find our own way, our own combination of diet, exercise, herbs, supplements, and even drugs.  There is no set standard of therapy, even amongst conventional doctors.  Humans are NOT one size fits all — in clothing or in medical treatment.

So please read this site, as I add more and more information.  Check out the links.  Do some research of your own.  Keep a positive attitude (easier said than done, but do-able) and you will prevail!  If you have good news and/or information please write and share it with this site.