CLL Leukemia Diagnosis: Overcoming the Fear
Posted by: Denise on: November 30, 2010
Now that it’s been over nine years since my diagnosis of CLL leukemia, I have to say that my mental state is quantifiably better than it was July 2001, when I first had to deal with it. It helps enormously that I am still stage one, and have remained “steady” without the help of any conventional therapies. Not a drop of chemo. No prednisone. This despite many harrowing brushes with low platelets, dropping red counts, rising white counts, hematuria (blood in urine) and other freak-out factors.
Like many CLL diagnosis “victims,” I experienced sadness, grieving, easy tears, insomnia, and morbid thoughts. At one point, I even started thinking carefully before investing in something lasting like, say, a leather coat. It might be “wasteful,” I thought at the time. After all, I wasn’t sure how many seasons I’d be around to enjoy it. I was overcome by negative thoughts and FEAR. Fear of dying. Fear of death. Fear of leaving my family behind. This made me overwhelmingly sad.
How I overcame fear: Action! Once I realized that I could not and would not count on medical doctors to keep me alive, this truth set me free. Once I started to take charge of my health, doing all the things you can read about on this site (and elsewhere), my mindset changed. It started with my macrobiotic diet (which I ironically no longer follow) that I felt a sense of calm and peace. I started to know in my heart that I was going to be fine. I was planning to live. That was in 2005. It is now nearly the end of 2010 and I’m still here, living my life, doing what I have to do to be well. But I am also quietly and calmly confident that I am going to be “here” for a long time.
The first step to wellness. So if you are depressed, worried, fearful, or in any way devastated about your CLL leukemia diagnosis (or that of a loved one), take heart! You don’t have to curl up into a ball of worry. There are things that you can do. The more things you try (and measure with frequent blood tests) the better your chance to prevail. Saying goodbye to fear is your first step on the road to wellness.
Due to an unreasonable amount of SPAM, I suggest that you email me at info(at)cllalternatives.com if you can’t seem to get a comment posted.
5 Responses to "CLL Leukemia Diagnosis: Overcoming the Fear"
December 28, 2010 at 5:51 pm
When I was diagnosed in February of 2005 I naively visited a CLL forum and was told 1) I had one year to get my ducks in a row and 2) my only real choice was whether I would be treated in 2005 or 2006.
It is now December 2010 and I am still untreated and my WBC is trending down.
My oncologist at one time suggested drug trials as the CLL seemed to be progressing. Now he isn’t concerned whether I visit him regularly or not. I don’t.
Yeah, I have been taking action. In fact, I have been really f–king busy.
F–k ’em. I will do this my way.
December 30, 2010 at 11:47 am
From other comments you’ve made on this site (and our direct emails) I’m aware of the fact that you’ve gone on the Paleo diet, and this, among other things, is what you feel has improved your health. Wonderful! I’m looking forward to hearing more from you on exactly what you did to get well. Thanks for writing, Denise
December 6, 2010 at 10:05 pm
Taking action. That’s the best advice for most dilemmas we find ourselves in! I need to tape this to my refrigerator so I see your post everyday.
October 15, 2015 at 10:52 am
Please understand that Paleo is not a “diet” its a lifestyle.
Understanding the fundamentals of nutrition and what we as humans were intended to consume, will help anyone battling with this sickness and many others.
The Paleo Lifestyle is the consumption of all organic produce (veggies & fruit(berries,etc)), grass-fed & finished, pastured livestock, wild caught fish, raw nuts and seeds and healthy oils (coconut, etc).
Avoid dairy (milk), potatoes (sweet potato’s are ok), grain (wheat, corn, soy, barley,etc) & legumes (beans).
Humans were never intended to consume those items.
Stay healthy!!
October 15, 2015 at 12:09 pm
I’m with you part of the way, Rawhide. I’ve been living the Paleo lifestyle for a few years, but recently added raw (unpasteurized and non-homogenized) milk, butter, and kefir to my diet. Other than putting on a little (ahem) weight, I’m doing great. I think a big problem with dairy is what the processors to do it! And you have to go practically off the grid to buy it. We have purchased a cow share, which we pay yearly, giving us the right to buy milk from “our” cow. It turns out that this farm we purchase from has had problems with the federal government because they sold across state lines. (You can’t see it, but my eyes are rolling.) Prior to eating this kind of dairy, I could not tolerate dairy at all. I still don’t drink the milk, but I love, love, love the cultured (fermented) milk products. (the kefir, butter, yogurt) The important thing is to eat as much organic as possible and nothing (nothing!) processed. I call it eating as close to the way God made it, and it’s working for me, too. It was fourteen years for me last July 2015. I’m feeling good; my markers are improving; and I’ve not had any unconventional treatment yet. Wishing you good health! – Denise